How I feel

I don't really know what to write  or how to write what's on my mind right now. It's just that there's so much going on inside my head that I wish to express in any way I can.

Same as me, everyone wants to have someone to be with for the rest of our lives. I cannot deny that I am so much in love right now that it makes me go crazy having the thought that it might end or something might go wrong along the way. Although I am aware that there are no perfect relationships, that there will always be hurdles and challenges, still I am afraid of what might going to happen. I totally understand what I am feeling right now and I am definitely sure that this is the first time that I have ever felt this way. I have never been so honest and truthful in a relationship, though I only had two boyfriends from the past including the unsuccessful marriage. I am so obsessed of thinking and finding ways of how to make this relationship successful. God knows how much I am really trying to make everything OK. I am giving all my life, putting so much effort and energy and betting all I have just to make sure that I am doing everything I can.

I am so much in love but I don't have peace of mind. I always think, what If I might end up getting hurt and be left alone without warning. Sometimes |It makes me think, is this really the price of loving someone so much? But, I am thinking of ways of how to let go of all these negativity. I am the enemy of my self and the only way to be at peace is to change the way I think.  Everyday, I am changing my ways of how to accept things and instead of whining and thinking of all the bad stuffs, It is better to think of the good stuffs and be happy with what I have. 

I am learning so much from this relationship. I have learned to be honest, I have learned to love as much as I can give and I have learned an important lesson. Just awhile ago, while taking a bath, there are two arguments battling in my head. First is, there might be a chance that he might fool around which really makes me sad. I am always thinking of that because In a short period of time I have known him already. He is definitely a chick magnet. I know he loves me but there might be a tendency that he will do it even if he promised me not to do it. That thought makes me want to die. Second thought, just let go of that first thought,  trust with all my heart and just be ready with what might going to happen. I can say, the 2nd thought just won. I realized that I have option to believe that what he's saying is true that he is a changed man and true to his words and promises. In that way, it is healthier for the both of us and for the relationship. If along the way, something wrong went up, At-least I have given up everything, that I was able to love a person with all my heart and honesty. It is better to think that way than prolonging my agony that he will cheat on me.

I really don't know what I am saying right now, but I am just too happy to think that I am in love and will always be in love with him. I love every inch of him.

To sum it all up, It's better to believe that he is a changed man now, than keep on thinking that he will fool around and I might lose him that it will be too late for me to realize that he is really true to his words and promises .